I feel restless doing anything else but submitting.
Now, when I write this, I risk being misunderstood. I have been serving the Lord and loving Him since I was about eight years old. That is like 20 years! I, also, know that we must always walk with a surrendered heart. Their are some tough things that I feel God is asking me to surrender and to have faith for right now... It is personal, and I will not go into specifics right now. Some of which, you may be able to imagine.
When I say that I am choosing faith, I am not only speaking of faith in salvation, which is necessary for being in a relationship with Christ, which I trusted in 20 years ago, but a deep dependance and trust that God means what He says, and is stronger and more interested in us than we might ever imagine. I cannot exactly say what I mean... maybe this will help a bit.
"What, Lord? You can't be serious?"
Hum, whine, entertain myself...
Drown out His voice by claiming it wasn't really Him.
But, the voice of Truth speaks again...
"Lord, how can you expect this of me?"
Again, the drowning out of business, music, phone calls,
Claiming that others get by without such demands.
But, the voice of Truth speaks again...
"Lord, they'll say I am radical."
Money, dreams, and worldly pursuits clog the thoughts
"I be 'strange' to them," as if I am not already.
"It is dangerous to just have radical faith, right?"
The voice of Truth yet speaks again...
"Trust Me, child."
So, I step into the water.
But, frantically I hold on the dock.
I am afraid, Lord.
What if???
I mean, there are dangers out there.
I have heard of what can happen to those who plunge out
"Let go, child."
How? I feel paralyzed by fear.
"Open your hands, and relax. Let go."
My fingers slowly release.
"I am here, child. Let go."
I let go, to be swept into the depths of God's love
And, I wonder why I ever fought against it.
Dear friends,
I feel like God has been calling me for a long time to radical faith and obedience. I have been struggling in that fight, for it calls me to something MUCH deeper than surface "religion." My imaginations, dreams, fears, hopes, love of money, and love of popularity has kept me from fully plunging in... and, the fear that I might just be wrong. Still, I hear that call, and I cannot rest until I let go.
The Bible tells me that it is impossible to please God without faith, and that if I love him and am really His child, I will obey Him. I am longing for Him... for His fullness... for His peace that passeth all understanding. I will not be satisfied until I have "let go" and "surrendered" to His complete will in my life... my husband's life... and, my children's' lives... releasing them to Him. Trusting He knows best, and loves them way more than I ever could, and realizing that God has always taken very good care of us. Knowing that we have the responsibility to share with others the Hope of Salvation through Jesus Christ, and rejoicing in the fact that He came all the way for us, and wants us to be His children. What others may have called "trash" is His treasure... the hopeless have seen light, and now heirs to a crown and a mansion!
I feel the call to step out of my "comfort zone" and let go.
Do you hear Him calling you out, as well?
This prayer of Betty Scott Stam has been on my mind this morning. If you do not know her story, I would encourage you to read about it. I have loved this prayer since my college days, but I am not sure I truly grasped it's depths at the time.
"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes
All my desires and hopes and accept Thy will for my life.
I give myself, my life, my all
Utterly to Thee to be Thine forever.
Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit
Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt,
And work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost
Now and Forever"
Betty Scott Stam
She and her husband were missionaries and were martyred in China. Their little baby lived on.
This prayer is difficult, but it is what I want for my life.
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