Ron could not have chemo again yesterday... this time it was not because of platelets, but his white blood count. That should explain the "feeling unwell", because he tends to feel it when his white blood count is too low. They gave him his shot, which raised it up again, and he is ready to go for chemo today.
We are still waiting to hear if there is an umbilical cord match... tick... tick... tick... If I knew how precious these cords were to folks, I think I would have donated my girls' cords to the donor bank. Donating to the bank is free (I believe), however, there are folks who would try to convince you to pay to store your child's cord, but that can be very pricey, and very unlikely that you will ever use it. Just think, I might have thrown away something that could have saved a person's life! If you are going to have a baby, perhaps you can talk with your doctor early on about the possibility of donating it's cord to the world-wide bank. I don't know what kind of preliminary testing is required, but if it is safe and presents no danger to your little one, then it is worth considering. Asking that it goes directly to someone may not work, because it needs to match pretty closely, so giving it to whoever it may match is nice. These have to be from live births, of course, and I imagine your baby needs to be healthy.
Time continues to tick on, just waiting, praying, waiting, hoping, waiting, not knowing, waiting, getting chemo, waiting, crying, waiting, trusting, waiting, working, waiting, ministering, waiting, and looking toward Heaven. This is a real test of patience! Tick, tick, tick...
In the meantime, life must go on... there is work to be done, a family to care for, souls to reach, children to train and play with, and growth to be gained. Tick, tick, tick...
Ron bought me a sweet present yesterday! It actually matched up with one of the things I listed below, and he doesn't usually read my blog... he just knows what I'd like. It hasn't always been that way. When we first got married, gifts were very interesting... I feel like laughing just thinking out it! Marriage has a way of blending two hearts together, and, although we don't always feel rosy toward one another, we are one.
I must confess that I have not been the sweetest Mama and Wife the past few days... my hubby has pointed that out, as has Faith. Faith told me at camp that I wasn't a good Mommy at camp because I yelled at her all the time. So sorry! I feel so touchy... I wish I felt better, but my nerves feel like they are unraveling. I am weary in this waiting thing!
I tried to make up for my grumpy-ness by taking the girls to the park today, then I let them play outside in our little yard while I mowed the grass, but I was overcome by frustration worrying about the baby possibly getting too close to the wading pool or the road, then I saw one daughter hit another, and I stopped the lawn mower (actually, I had to do this many times), and talked very strongly to this child, and now I don't feel nice again. I want to feel nice... are mommies supposed to be nice? Because, I feel like I am constantly saying no, No ,NO! Don't touch that electric outlet, don't play with the CDs, don't push your sister, don't look at me that way- show me a smile, uncross those arms, don't eat with your fingers, don't beg, don't get out more than one toy box at a time, don't stick your tongue out at people, don't cross the road without Mommy, don't talk to strangers if Mommy is not beside you, don't talk with your mouth full, don't complain, don't get out of bed when it is naptime, don't point at people, don't say "I can't" when I know you can do what I have asked you to do, THE PIZZA CUTTER IS NOT A TOY!, don't get in the pool unless Mommy is right there and has given you permission, don't this, don't that... BLA! I need something to say YES to! I feel mean! Yes, we do fun things with our children, but doesn't the no's outweigh the yes's by a great margin? Sigh!
As the time goes tick, tick, tick, my nerves are going snap, snap, snap!
The healing of my heart comes from God's Word and when I take time to REALLY pray (which isn't nearly enough)... I find God's Word alive and refreshing, convicting, and healing. I have been reminded of various Scriptures... some of answered prayers, healings, and hope, and some reminding me that God will be the husband to the widow... so point being made is that whatever happens we have not been abandoned! WE CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES US STRENGTH! Oh, Lord Jesus, give me that strength... touch my mind, body, and emotions! Touch Ron! We NEED You!
Tick... tick... tick...
3 comments:
Hope Ron is feeling better..... Is he able to get his cemo????
Have a happy birthday and know you are ALL being prayed for!!!
sarah, you are not a bad or mean mother. it is called guidance and love. could you imagine if God said "yes" to you all the time? where would you be and what kind of person would you be? sometimes it feels as if the things we do hurts the ones we love the most, but in all actuality, it is those same things that makes our lives stronger, and creates good morals and values in our children. they may not like it now, but when they are older they will look back and praise you for what you did and what it has taught them. so don't look down on yourself. you are a great mother and wife and i believe God has great things in store for you. you are a great encouragement to not only me but to many others as well. we might not always say it, but you are appreciated. not only for the work you do for the church, but what you do for your family and for being a great friend. may God Bless you many times over and over. love ya. electa
You know, most people who don't have kids can't imagine the constant energy output that must take place to care for the physical, emotional, educational, spiritual, etc needs of a child. It can be exhausting! I've become much less critical of other people's parenting since I became a parent. I joke that I was such a good parent before I had my child. :)
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